Alistair Carmichael re-elected in crushing defeat. Hogboon and Trow admitted to Hogwarts hospital wing. Vole gracious in ‘victory’.
We all gathered in the burrow to watch the results come in except for Auld Grimmers who was doing some spinning in his grave. Mrs. Vole will help him issue new shrouds to the vanished hopes of the Liberal Democrat Party later today. Both the Trow and Hoboon have been admitted to St. Mungo’s Hospital, London for urgent treatment. We hope they recover soon.
Carmichael achieved the nearly impossible feat of keeping his seat whilst losing 27.8% of his vote to Wir Danus, the Skene of Skenes. Indeed, if our wee consituency had gone yellow, Hampshire, Hereford and Hartlepool would also have returned the SNP. In the Scottish election next year McArthur and Scott will have two chances, slim and none.
UKIP and Labour saved Carmichael’s scalp
Turnout out was bigger than last time with all new votes going to the SNP. The Great Hogboon himself, survived only by what looks like tactical voting from UKIP and Labour both of whom lost ground. Unionism, or what is left of it, is a continuum that extends all the way from Farage to Murphy. Robert Smith did well at the hustings and has been a great sport, we wish the others had spoken to us the way he did. Democracy only works when those who have no chance are prepared to argue their case with other non-entities. Us Voles agree with almost nothing you said but are glad you were prepared to descend into the depths of social media to say it to us.
On the subject of no hopers, the Tory vote appears to have already been at rock bottom and so went down by only 7 votes. Sources tell us that they will be thrilled to have kept their deposit.
In foreign news, The English National Party has cleverly used fears of the Scots invading Newcastle and Derby to dominate Southland. It has successfully used the stupidity of its coalition partners to do what was feared in 2010 as left wing tactical voters had no where to go with realistic prospects of election. The perversities of first past the post means that UKIP got 12% of the vote whilst the Slippery Dems with Nick Clegg lived up to his name and kept his seat. He said,
“I will be seeking to make further remarks about the implications of this election both for the country and for the party that I lead and my position in the Liberal Democrats when I make remarks to my colleagues later this morning when I return to Westminster.”
When Clegg resigns perhaps the Great Hogboon may stand. It has been done before. When Grimmers led the party he was its only Scottish MP. We wish him all the luck in the world – then we will watch his testimony to the Goddard Inquiry even more closely. Every time we look at the internet we get more shocked by what his party will have to explain.
George Galloway was gubbed and will soon appear on Big Sister Get Us Out of Here on ITV 4.
We expect Boris Johnstone to declare Scotland independent on Tuesday.