Amber Rudd, your policies are racist.

Orkney Voles fear deportation lists.

Orkney Voles concealing their foreign origins to avoid deportation.

The Vole has been trying to mind his own business, pottering around the burrow and scribbling away. “Politics are for humans, you have caused enough trouble. Keep your snout out of things that don’t concern you.”

There I was, chewing the wood lice thoughtfully, when Mrs Vole came into my private chamber, her fur sparkling with rage. She had, despite my best advice, ‘been listening to the news. “They are going to drive out the fulmars she said, foreign birds, coming in here, stealing our cliffs. What are they going to do to us, our family came from Belgium?Its not as if we eat a lot of corn and we never use the NHS – you try making an appointment for a baby vole, they are just not interested. And you just tapping away and making up stories. Shame on you Cedric Vole!”

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