He is anticipated to address the fervent crowds later today –
” The vast throng gathered here represents a bright light shining in a dark world. The crawl back starts from this very pleuk, it is time for the world to embrace our new reality. We are the only answer to the SNP. Labour is finished as the opposition in this country and is heading for the abyss. We will overtake them as we stride forward into the future tomorrows for hard working trolls and hogboons.
We have nothing left to lose. Our credibility has been sacrificed for the good of the nation. We have declared our past forgotten and reality outdated. Together, we can boldly defy both gravity and grammar in our pursuit of power. Sleeping Beauty awakes and Wee Willie Renwick will lead us into a sustainable, new days as we become the brains of Labour, the heart of the Tories and the bowels of Scotland!”
In other news, The Queen of Hearts said, ‘Off with his head.’