The SNP yesterday announced that it would oppose attempts to remove the ban on fox hunting in England and Wales. Angus Robertson, parliamentary leader, said that the Conservative party was legitimate target and all red coat and no knickers.
“In these circumstances, it is right and proper that we assert the Scottish interest on fox hunting by voting with Labour against the Tories’ proposals to relax the ban – in the process, reminding an arrogant UK government of just how slender their majority is – just as we will vote against the Tory welfare cuts next week, and appeal to Labour to join us.”
Speaking out in solidarity with other cute creatures labelled as vermin throughout the British Isles, the Orkney Vole expressed his support for action at a meeting today.
‘We have to learn to cohabit the islands peacefully. Many foxes are now declaring their vegetarianism and opting to live on apples, plums and blueberries. Many have apologised for their past carnivorous behaviour and we think a time has come to draw a line in history. The time for fox bashing is over. Saying ‘sorry’ is more than enough.
Jesus wept, Keir Hardie spun in his grave, the ghost of Aneurin Bevin howled in impotent rage at the vacuity of the press release, the spirits of the Jarrow marchers sat down and wept, and millions of former supporters raised their eyebrows to the skies and sighed at the Labour party – what is the bloody point of you? And the only answer is the meaningless self-serving waffle of a party that’s lost its way, a party that couldn’t even find a moral compass if it was lodged up its own arse.
There is no point to Labour, none at all. No meaning. No purpose. No bloody sense. All there is is the cold hearted triangulation of a spin doctor who’s never had to struggle against poverty or exclusion. Labour has announced that there’s very little they’re going to do to oppose as the Tories set fire to the social…
‘Disney Magic’, a cruise ship with 2,700 passengers and 950 ‘cast’ members arrived in Orkney earlier in the week amongst fervent local speculation of meetings between local vermin and American celebrity rodents.
Cedric Vole has been heavily involved in the organisation of local mythological creatures in support of the crowdfunded campaign that will bring Mr. Carmichael to an Electoral Court in Edinburgh on the 7th and 8th of September.
Mr. Vole issued a statement to the national press this morning, ‘My dear wife and I decided that, after taking advice from our legal team, we were unable to invite the Disney comrades to the Burnside Burrow. We appreciate that they are very disappointed but we will not engage in Mickey Mouse politics.”
Reports of carousing by animated creatures at various local sites have been denied by tourism organisers who said, “The visit passed off very peaceably. There were no arrests.”
Neither Michael nor Minnie Mouse were available for comment.
Judge in the Court of Session sets dates for the process against Alistair Carmichael MP. We hope he resigns before proceedings come to Court.
The case bought by 4 Orkney constituents against their MP, ‘ the People versus Carmichael’ has got its dates set by the Court of Session. The trial will take place in Edinburgh on the 7th and 8th of September and will initially focus on points of law that can only be determined by the judges of the Electoral Court.
Both sides need to lodge papers outlining their argument in advance. The case is funded by contributions made by 3,973 individuals who have given an incredible £61,503 to the campaign through the crowdfunding website Indiegogo. People can still contribute and any excess funds that we raise will go to the food banks made necessary by the policies of the Coalition Government.
A spokesperson for the campaign said,
‘We are not allowed to comment on the merits of the case whilst it is before the courts. We are very glad that dates have been set so that we have a clear idea of what is going to happen. We are particularly pleased that attempts are being made to stream the proceedings live to Orkney and Shetland so that justice will be done in public with us, his constituents, able to see what is happening.
The best outcome for us is that Mr. Carmichael resigns today so that a by-election can take place as soon as possible. This would mean that whoever represents us in the next session of Parliament has a clear and undisputed mandate. The campaign is supported by people across the political spectrum who want to see higher standards in our public life. We are greatly encouraged by their ongoing support that has made what we are doing possible.”
Oh god. Ma heid. Ma second class representation in the Westminster Parliament. Is there such as thing as syrup of figs for a blocked devolution settlement? Being Scottish in the UK feels like waking up with a 300 year hangover. The groggy recollection that you did some really bad things with India and Africa, the slowly dawning realisation that you’ve got bugger all to show for it, and the growing awareness that you have, in fact, been taken for a complete mug. The things you’ve done and the place you’re in now are not who you really are. There’s an immense mismatch between how you see yourself and how your drinking companion sees you, the one who’s been poncing off you for years and filling your head with crap. And you believed it. It’s cringe-making.
Scotland sees itself as a country. Because that’s what we are. Instinctively we compare ourselves…