The Secret Diaries of A Mole (aged like a blue cheese – phew)
Saturday, 30 May 2015 20:40 | | |
By Ally Carmichael MP (pro tem) our Dissembling and Equivocation Correspondent
This week we are proud to present the secret diaries of acting MP for Orkney & Shetland Alistair Carmichael.
It has been a tough week for the recently retired Scottish Secretary and we at the State broadcaster would like to show our support for this honest politician by sharing his innermost thoughts with an eager nation.
We are unable to bring you Mhairi Black’s diaries this week as she is on study leave for her final politics exam.
There is also the small matter of the D notice that was placed on her Twitter feed last week.
Bloody Shetland News found out that Tavish knew about Nickygate near enough straight from the get go. Feeling a lot better that I’m not going to be the only one with their arse out the window.
Couldn’t sneak into the constituency office for the 50 protestors outside. I understand Johann’s bunker is still empty. Might check flights to Glasgow if they don’t go away soon.
Had a call from Nick to say the Natz have taken over our old office block in Westminster and kicked us into the corridor. I really need to find a new place to hide before I can risk going down there again.
Have silenced a load of Nationalist protesters outside the Cathedral. Must admit the number of Nat thugs is making me concerned for my personal safety. Bet the First Minister is behind all this.
There’s quite a few grannies in the mob, most of whom I phoned last year to tell them their pensions would stop if they voted Yes. I’m starting to think that was unwise – some of them look angry and quite tough. Help me Rona!
Those wicked folk at BBC Scotlandshire – do they really have no respect? The Vole is reporting them to the Humorists Watchdog and invites you to do so forthwith.